It’s a funny thing

Books have a power I think. I’ve grown up reading prolifically. People used to be astounded when I was a kid because I had a relatively large vocabulary. The only reason for that was that I spent most of the time with my nose buried in a book. High school wasn’t much different at times. When I was at Ignatius, I used to get there really early in the morning so mum could go straight to work after dropping me off. I used to go to the library because that was the only place warm that was open in the mornings. I remember waiting outside, sitting on the concrete steps and feeling separate and peaceful from the world. Even when there was someone there. I used to pick a book randomly off the shelf, read it, and then sneak reading it all through recess and lunch and lessons all day. I’d usually finish it before school was out.

I remember finding a passage in an english exam and hunting down the book it was from. It was Libby Hathorn’s “Thunderwith”. I cried so hard when I read that book. I cried so hard when I read “the betrayal of Bindy MacKenzie” by Jaclyn Moriarty too (which, by the way, is an awful book so don’t read it). And I nearly cried after finishing my latest book – “The Declaration” by Gemma Malley. Firstly everyone should read that book. It really is excellent, and I think I’ll make people study it when I’m a teacher. The point being – why did they make me cry when most others don’t manage that? Because all of them talk about being unwanted. About being out of place. About not being able to think that anyone would ever need you.

Maybe that’s why I don’t get into my Uni books so much. They’re all about depressing things, yes. But none of them seem to get through to me. I’d like to get through to people I think.

One day.

In the mean time, I don’t really want to leave the house for a while.

Laringitis is not my friend

I presently sound like Batman when he’s pulling his “bad ass” voice. Or occasionally like a high school boy whose voice is breaking. Either way, it’s not pleasant. My voice is slowly returning but instead I can’t seem to get rid of this persistent tickle in my throat! I can’t stop coughing. It’s driving me nuts. I always start this with a whinge don’t I? Oh well.

I had to cancel on Jenna today, which irritated me greatly cos I’d been looking forward to seeing her. I also didn’t go to netball, but I suppose that was more laziness than anything else. I was probably well enough to go watch but I didn’t really feel like leaving the house. I’m good at that – I should be a professional moper.

I have all these ambitions as to what I’m going to do for the rest of the year. The more I think about it, the more I realise it’s damned unlikely any of it is going to come to fruition. That frustrates me. It also makes me wonder if perhaps I’m cutting myself down before I even try. That would be a bad choice.

Lewis has left for Europe and will soon be having a blast, I’m sure. I miss him, and you may think me pathetic for it but eh. He’s my best mate and I’m used to being able to talk to him whenever I want and it’s weird for me to know that I can’t just pick up the phone and whinge about whatever’s bugging me. Or just weird to not hear from him. But such is life.

I’m being a hermit for a reason. However, I cannot decipher whether those reasons are in fact valid problems I should discuss with people so we can restore the friendships OR if I’m just overly hormonal and nit-picking again. Until I’m sure the problem is more than just in my head, I think I’ll just leave it to sit on the shelf.
… and instead stay in bed all day.

I don’t want to go to uni next week. The thought disgusts me. Almost to the point of tears. I do NOT want to go back. I dread it.

So the summary of all this? I would be quite happy to hide in my room for several months at this point.

Instead I’m seeing Jenna this morning and then going to the gym. Then spending the rest of the week in the gym or at work or trying to get ahead in my uni reading. I hate how responsibility always gets in the way of being a sook

I AM alive

Been a while since I updated this – can’t even be bothered checking when I last did to be honest. So what can I tell you at 1:30 in the morning on a Thursday? Not a lot really. I could’ve (read: should’ve) gone out tonight. One of several reasons I didn’t was because I figured I’d be too knackered after work… well I’m definitely knackered and work was definitely not a highlight, but still I can’t sleep.

Urgh.

Okay so enough whining about my crappy sleeping habits.

Events of the past few days? Saw Mamma Mia, which was… I dunno. But Pierce Brosnan in a jumpsuit was something I didn’t need to see also joined a gym, which has simultaneously been awesome and painful lol. I hung out with Lena the other night watching scrubs, which was fairly awesome. Went to flashdance, which proved a lot more of a non-event than hoped but what can you do. I’ve done a lot more than this but to be honest I’m so tired that all my brain is processing is “why aren’t you in BED?!” which is a hint I might take in a minute.

Uni didn’t place me at SFX – quite the contrary. They placed me at a school I really would rather avoid to be honest, but eh. Oh on the note of uni, I passed everything. Got distinctions in English (the normal English) and Psychology and credits in French and the other English.

I can’t remember what I meant to write about in the first place… so instead I’m gonna go to bed