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It’s like waking from a thousand of those awful dreams. The ones that aren’t actually awful but leave you hollow and shaking and screaming to the vague fog they’ve become to come back and surround you. You want it so badly that you feel yourself torn just a little more inside, aching for the loss of someone you know but simultaneously don’t.

Why do I do that?

 

Dreams

I keep waiting for you to turn around and say that you made a mistake.

I dreamed that I died on a road I know very well. Things just blurred and spun and I was thinking “I need to concentrate on the road” but the road just became this vague blur of trees and branches. And then the barrier gave way to the cliff face beside and I just kept thinking “this isn’t happening – I’ll be fine. I’m always fine in the end” but suddenly it’s dark and silent. But then I was there again. They couldn’t see me. I was walking around and no one could see me – except this one. He was no one specific. He was something else – the kind of thing that really only can exist in dreams. But when he looked at me he looked AT me not straight through me like everyone else – he was supposed to be important to me I assume? He took my hands and they shimmered in his but they were there – they were solid. Then the rest of the dream took a weird spinoff into a story-type plot where it turned out we and all our friends were ’spirit guides’ and that was why I was half alive and we had to try to protect our friends from the enemies of the spirit guides. And it was weird – cos I wouldn’t let him tell them that this invisible person he kept talking to was me because I was so ashamed of how I’d died, and scared I’d be ripped off into the unknown at any moment. Strange, strange things. Granted not as strange as later finding myself in something of a twilight ripoff dream. Even weirder because I haven’t read it for months, and the book the dream seemed to be taking place in was the one I HATED most and only ever read once (feel like you’ve been screwed over recently? Don’t read New Moon. It’s 400 pages of emo why-did-he-leave-me junk. I’m just guessing on the page number might I add). Sigh. Stupid brain.

That is all for now.

Return to the world of blogging? Not overly likely.

Why do I forget about these things except when I’m in a bad mood? It’s just poor form really. Not even an inanimate entity (such as the internet) should have to put up with nothing but my whining. It’s just not cricket. In fact, I think someone should call the humane society.

With all that said, I’m actually not in a particularly bad mood – but the catch is that I also don’t have a lot to say. So instead I suppose I’ll go with the standard “update”. Oh how boring.

I have four exams. That alone should be enough to make my head implode but as usual I’m cutting studying close and praying that I fluke it once again. Hollie and I recently established that I get such bad karma in all other aspects of my life because I get insanely GOOD karma in my uni assignments (in that I continually hand things up late and still maintain a pretty good GPA). So instead I have continued to take on way too many hours at work. Le sigh.
Ecuador is less than a month away. Currently the concept of me dragging my pudgy self around a forest is extremely laughable. I shall either die of exhaustion or die of laughter at my own ridiculousness. Either is a distinct possibility.
After that… there is a distinct blank spot where I pretend the time between me coming back from Ecuador and leaving for Melbourne doesn’t exist. And then back at uni for an immensely exciting few months whilst I try to wait patiently for Canada. Do I base all my life around my travel plans? Yes. Yes I do.

 

I’m too hot to think of anything else to write. Bring on the beach! … after exams that is.