Return to the world of blogging? Not overly likely.

Why do I forget about these things except when I’m in a bad mood? It’s just poor form really. Not even an inanimate entity (such as the internet) should have to put up with nothing but my whining. It’s just not cricket. In fact, I think someone should call the humane society.

With all that said, I’m actually not in a particularly bad mood – but the catch is that I also don’t have a lot to say. So instead I suppose I’ll go with the standard “update”. Oh how boring.

I have four exams. That alone should be enough to make my head implode but as usual I’m cutting studying close and praying that I fluke it once again. Hollie and I recently established that I get such bad karma in all other aspects of my life because I get insanely GOOD karma in my uni assignments (in that I continually hand things up late and still maintain a pretty good GPA). So instead I have continued to take on way too many hours at work. Le sigh.
Ecuador is less than a month away. Currently the concept of me dragging my pudgy self around a forest is extremely laughable. I shall either die of exhaustion or die of laughter at my own ridiculousness. Either is a distinct possibility.
After that… there is a distinct blank spot where I pretend the time between me coming back from Ecuador and leaving for Melbourne doesn’t exist. And then back at uni for an immensely exciting few months whilst I try to wait patiently for Canada. Do I base all my life around my travel plans? Yes. Yes I do.

 

I’m too hot to think of anything else to write. Bring on the beach! … after exams that is.

 

Road

Life drives me crazy when my head gets like this. This constant droning frustration and ravings on and on about the places you’d rather be. Shut up, you’re here I want to tell it. Make the most of it, I want to say. But it’s loud – persistant. It strikes just when you’re finally putting your two feet on the ground and it says enough of this, go go go, and suddenly you’re itching and aching to be out of this town. Common sense says no. Common sense tells you that you hate the people who do what you’re contemplating doing, and think what you’re thinking.

It doesn’t change though. The want to go. Just go. Just run.

And some days it’s all that keeps me getting out of bed. This strange thought that one day you’ll do it. You’ll sing O Canada drunkenly in the streets of Toronto, with Hollie at your side and a crew of random Canadians laughing at your typical Australianness. You’ll stumble down the streets of Japan, bickering with Amy and Barrett over where to eat and where to go next. You’ll stare up at the pyramids of Egypt with Keanan, or if his life takes him elsewhere, whatever damn fool you’ve conned into putting up with you this time around. You’ll take Lewis to the Fontana Di Trevi and eat the best gelati in the world and toss a coin over your shoulder and wish for this to never end. You’ll trek down the winding forests of Ecuador, awed and stunned by the green that encompasses and inspires. You’ll once again wake up to the eerie sound of a piano played beautifully after a wonderful night in Melbourne, wandering down the hardwood floors to greet one of the truest and greatest friends you’ve ever known. You’ll get lost in bars in Ireland, laughing and joking with the locals solely because you like hearing them speak. You’ll swim with the fish and the turtles in the great barrier reef, before jetting back to Brisbane to catch trains and ride rollar coasters with Amy.

You’ll do it. You will.

Shh. Be patient.

Learn to enjoy the times between too. Learn to enjoy home. Learn to be happy with the here and now, and stop wishing for the next great adventure.

Bah. Sleep.

You know what?

I can think of less and less reasons to get out of bed each day as time goes by.

Well PHHHHHBBBBLBT! to you

I have come to a startling conclusion as of late – for someone who runs a reorg on her life every few years (new job, new house, new friends more often than not) I am incredibly bad at actually dealing with change.

I DO NOT like having my cheese moved, as the saying goes. Put the damn cheese down and back away slowly before I scratch your eyes out. Got it? Good… -narrows eyes-

I have also realised that I’m even clingier than I first feared. This is very very bad. And could have further reaching consequences than I would like to admit right now.

Also, the rowing machine is my mortal enemy. Seriously. Ow. Wtf. My lungs hurt.

And finally, I’m feeling so very very blue. I blame my life’s soap opera-esque quality for that. Or the equilibrium. Amy knows what I mean -nods solemnly-
So I’m going to go run a hot bath and read Dilbert comics.

Cos that’s what I do.

Awkward Moments

I’ll cut to the chase on this one – I’m drawing a total mental blank for ideas on my short story and I want some suggestions

The theme, due to my recent obsession with steampunk, is time – I can’t really be more specific than that as it’s all deep and literary and meaningful and blah blah blah (basically it’s a load of pretentious shit). But what I need from you guys is an example of when time has either
a) seemed ridiculously significant/insignificant or
b) DRAGGED ON LIKE A MO FO.

I don’t want to hear about you waiting in a queue for example but maybe waiting for results on a particularly painful test (I meant a school test, but take it how you will you sickos ), or maybe something way more significant than that? Or it can be totally meaningless! Perhaps time dragged on really badly as you were waiting for your lecture to end so you could go buy candy! (What? Am I the only one who does that?)
I don’t need you to describe it in great depth. I don’t need you to tell me every detail of the event (though if you want to, go for it) cos my imagination will fill in the blanks and it will probably end up resembling nothing like what you’d planned X3 I just need some scenarios to work with. Everything I can come up with out of my own life is just… too me XD I want something a bit less self-centred.

So, uh… yeah! Hit me with your best shot and I’ll do a “my life” update on here later.

fmylife

I am ridiculously tired. I have had two hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. I have no idea why I don’t let myself sleep now.

So you get an update in the only way I can think to do it with everything that’s been going on – in LIST FORM! Some of this will be nonsensical. Some of it will be coded. Some of it will SOUND dirty but not be at all, some of it will sound dirty and just plain BE dirty. Onwards…

1. I cannot help but begin with my favourite from the past few days: “It was like you… sponteneously orgasmed or something O_O” in response to Nat randomly shuddering. It was disturbing
2. Ginger Snaps is an AWFUL movie. Just AWFUL.
3. I am still the queen of “foot in mouth”.
4. RIP Julian. You were loved so very much. You made more of a difference than you will ever know. I can’t say more, because my heart breaks a little each time I think about it.
5. I completely misjudged some people from a very long time ago. I realise now that I was in the wrong. I renounce my dislike of them, and hope to mend the bridge. Which I think I will achieve, simply because they are really good enough people to forgive and forget
6. Coming off of medication did not affect me nearly as much as they said it would. I feel exactly the same, minus one “side effect” which is actually more a bonus than anything else. I’m waiting for withdrawal
7. I got stood up today. I’m still a little worried that he’s passed out in a ditch somewhere given that he didn’t reply to ANY of my texts to find out if he was okay. However I have no way to contact him, so I’ll just have to wait and hope. And if he did just stand me up, I may tear him a new butthole.
8. I nearly gave in to the urge to become just another piece of meat. Simply because I couldn’t believe he would even give me a second glance to WANT me that way.
9. I am 19 years old. I should be passed the stage where a guy can numb my brain, turn my body to jelly and my sense of self-awareness to dust. I have no idea how to behave like a human around one of my friends. It’s ridiculous. It reminds me why I kept my distance. I never realised how much it bothered me to do so till now.
10. I am NOT putting myself down when I say that the one person I’ve met in forever who might make me happy will not be interested in me. I’m realistic. False hope is not a positive. It causes me to blurt my feelings and scare the hell out of them. It’s better to awkwardly side-step the issue for forever and a day. I wish it weren’t the case. But until he says otherwise, stop telling me I’m wrong. I’m not.
11. I am tactless. Truly, truly tactless. I’m sorry I’m such a thickhead. You’re basically one of the most important people in my life right now.
12. I’m finally over it. I know, I know, I can’t believe it either. But I finally want and need to move on with my life.
13. fmylife.com is brilliant. And I relate to far too many stories on it
14. It’s amazing how much difference a phonecall makes. How much you can forgive as soon as someone just picks up the phone to ask how you’re doing. And that reminds me of something else I need to do
15. I hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE this empty house. I hate this house. I don’t know why, but I feel a total aversion to the place itself. My home repulses me. I cannot wait till the new house is built.
16. I got a new job. Thank gawd.
17. I need to have a fun night. NOW.
18. So help me, I WILL lose a goddamn clothing size soon.
19. I have no idea what else to write. I can’t keep my eyes open.
THE END

Le tired…

It never ceases to astound me how just seeing a photo of someone can still manage to evoke a whole lot of feelings associated with them.

Like right now? Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Emo things of that nature.

It really makes me sad when friends turn out to be something so very different to what you’ve always thought. I still think you’re a hypocrite, and I still dislike you for it. I’d forgive you easily if you ever bothered to try to make up for it. If you ever bothered to call or text or email or SOMETHING. But you won’t. So you go on believing about kindness to others and do unto you shit, but we both know that you’re perfectly capable of turning your back on someone when they ask for help. I really hope that bothers you. At least a little bit. If it were only a little bit, I’d forgive you.

Aaaaaaaaaaanyway.
I’m just rambling because I’m tired. Went to the gym today and had an hour long session for freeeeeee haha. But it means I’m knackered. In a good way though. I have, however, decided that I really freakin hate mirrors. Mirrors are the epitome of crap.

I was going to write some more, but I want to sleeeep.

Seeing watchmen tomorrow yay!

I’m off, goodnight

-spiiiiiin-

Salutations ladies and gents and the few readers I retain on here!

Very quick update: Got my license back, no problems. Excepting that they’re making me pay money once again for something incredibly stupid. I won’t go into details, but it honestly just makes me want to punch an official. Problem being I couldn’t narrow it down to whose fault it was to punch that particular person. Uni has been… tolerable. A couple of days were bad, and made me extremely self-pitying. Mind you, I maintain that having a sinus infection for the duration wasn’t helping matters. Walking around uni when you can’t breathe through your nose? Not overly pleasant haha. But the good news is my courses this year look a bit more interesting! Well, at least two of them. I’m exceedingly pleased about that. The Short Story course is more than I could have ever hoped for in an English course and I’m so excited to start. Work blows big time and Mark continues to drive my blood pressure up with his incessant jerking me around. I’m going to see if I can talk to the ombudsmen next week. I’ve truly had a gut full. Alternatively, going to look into Coles around the corner.
Ummm what else can I tell you? Went and saw Alyna’s fringe show it was awesome, go see it. Beata was kind enough to come with me and we had a great laugh. Also seeing Arj Barker on Sunday (yay!!) and seeing the Watchmen (which is a movie, not a fringe performance ) on Saturday. All in all I have a pretty damn good weekend ahead of me. If I ignore the work part.
Going to use Monday to catch up on some work for uni (not that there’s a lot, but I’m going to try to keep up this semester) and will undoubtedly be working in the evening. Back to uni on Tuesday, but really I only have a two day week next week – woot woot! Having all my lectures and tutes pretty much on the same days without being spread out with huge breaks between REALLY is helping my motivation a lot. That said, I have missed a few lectures in the first week but excepting one that was really out of my control. Stupid IT guys and being ill… however, now that I have antibiotics and have given up on getting the internet functional on my laptop, I have no excuses next week. And I don’t want any. Discipline damnit

That’s it from me for now. I need sleep (which has eluded me as of late)

Peaceout xox

Come work with me!

I’m not feeling very well at all today I wanted to call in sick for work but because we’re short staffed I couldn’t find anyone to cover it -curses LOUDLY-
So with that in mind, come work for me! So next time when my nose is dripping like a faucet I can curl up and go to sleep as I should rightfully be allowed to do. This really bites.
I woke up this morning to go get xrays (to confirm whether or not they need to take my wisdom teeth out – they’re thinking not, but that’s not necessarily a good thing as it means I’ll have to get another night guard because it means I’m still grinding my teeth at night – that is $900 I do not have, and my parents will not cover) and got annoyed by the rude people working there. Went home, felt like I was gonna pass out and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I dragged myself up to go to a session with Heather which proved to be a BIG mistake feeling how I was. I was fine during the session, but in the car ride home (mum was driving, thank goodness!!) I kept falling asleep and could barely move. When I got home it was worse and I just felt horribly sick and bleh. Felt a bit better after having some food, but still couldn’t move properly cos I was just so fatigued. Ended up falling asleep AGAIN. Woke up only to try to call people to cover my shift. But that was a no-go, so I’m off to work in half an hour
Sorry bout the whinge there feeling right sorry for myself clearly

Uni starts Monday… I have nothing to celebrate in that but eh. Still good things to come (even if those good things are making me poor )

Oh and in other news, I REALLY WANT A PUPPY! I’ve wanted a dog for ages but now it’s really really starting to bother me I’m going to try desperately to convince my parents to let me have a dog kept predominantly indoors when we move to the new place (it won’t have proper fences). I could walk it every day and let it out when it needs to do it’s business and so on and so forth. Might work, we’ll see.

Away I go. Wish me luck for work

An attempt at a wrap-up of the year just passed and things to come

I have written and rewritten and written this again, but I can’t actually seem to make any progress.

Pretty sure I’m up to my eighth attempt.

Instead I’ll say this:

So far? 2009? Actually possibly worse than 08.

Yeah.

Amazing I know.