-spiiiiiin-

Salutations ladies and gents and the few readers I retain on here!

Very quick update: Got my license back, no problems. Excepting that they’re making me pay money once again for something incredibly stupid. I won’t go into details, but it honestly just makes me want to punch an official. Problem being I couldn’t narrow it down to whose fault it was to punch that particular person. Uni has been… tolerable. A couple of days were bad, and made me extremely self-pitying. Mind you, I maintain that having a sinus infection for the duration wasn’t helping matters. Walking around uni when you can’t breathe through your nose? Not overly pleasant haha. But the good news is my courses this year look a bit more interesting! Well, at least two of them. I’m exceedingly pleased about that. The Short Story course is more than I could have ever hoped for in an English course and I’m so excited to start. Work blows big time and Mark continues to drive my blood pressure up with his incessant jerking me around. I’m going to see if I can talk to the ombudsmen next week. I’ve truly had a gut full. Alternatively, going to look into Coles around the corner.
Ummm what else can I tell you? Went and saw Alyna’s fringe show it was awesome, go see it. Beata was kind enough to come with me and we had a great laugh. Also seeing Arj Barker on Sunday (yay!!) and seeing the Watchmen (which is a movie, not a fringe performance ) on Saturday. All in all I have a pretty damn good weekend ahead of me. If I ignore the work part.
Going to use Monday to catch up on some work for uni (not that there’s a lot, but I’m going to try to keep up this semester) and will undoubtedly be working in the evening. Back to uni on Tuesday, but really I only have a two day week next week – woot woot! Having all my lectures and tutes pretty much on the same days without being spread out with huge breaks between REALLY is helping my motivation a lot. That said, I have missed a few lectures in the first week but excepting one that was really out of my control. Stupid IT guys and being ill… however, now that I have antibiotics and have given up on getting the internet functional on my laptop, I have no excuses next week. And I don’t want any. Discipline damnit

That’s it from me for now. I need sleep (which has eluded me as of late)

Peaceout xox

Come work with me!

I’m not feeling very well at all today I wanted to call in sick for work but because we’re short staffed I couldn’t find anyone to cover it -curses LOUDLY-
So with that in mind, come work for me! So next time when my nose is dripping like a faucet I can curl up and go to sleep as I should rightfully be allowed to do. This really bites.
I woke up this morning to go get xrays (to confirm whether or not they need to take my wisdom teeth out – they’re thinking not, but that’s not necessarily a good thing as it means I’ll have to get another night guard because it means I’m still grinding my teeth at night – that is $900 I do not have, and my parents will not cover) and got annoyed by the rude people working there. Went home, felt like I was gonna pass out and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I dragged myself up to go to a session with Heather which proved to be a BIG mistake feeling how I was. I was fine during the session, but in the car ride home (mum was driving, thank goodness!!) I kept falling asleep and could barely move. When I got home it was worse and I just felt horribly sick and bleh. Felt a bit better after having some food, but still couldn’t move properly cos I was just so fatigued. Ended up falling asleep AGAIN. Woke up only to try to call people to cover my shift. But that was a no-go, so I’m off to work in half an hour
Sorry bout the whinge there feeling right sorry for myself clearly

Uni starts Monday… I have nothing to celebrate in that but eh. Still good things to come (even if those good things are making me poor )

Oh and in other news, I REALLY WANT A PUPPY! I’ve wanted a dog for ages but now it’s really really starting to bother me I’m going to try desperately to convince my parents to let me have a dog kept predominantly indoors when we move to the new place (it won’t have proper fences). I could walk it every day and let it out when it needs to do it’s business and so on and so forth. Might work, we’ll see.

Away I go. Wish me luck for work

Big grin!

Bad day passed, I’m sane again… for now -shifty eyes-

Today was good ^^ Amy and I went into town to get our Live at Monarto tickets. I am drooling over mine as we speak (well, not really on account of the fact that that would be silly as it is paper). MUST remember to book the accommodation tomorrow -hits self- Must remember to get up at a reasonable hour tomorrow too… AAAAAAAAAAANYWAY, so yeah. Got tickets, bummed around town doing various other things (including trying on very expensive clothing and buying an uber cool messenger bag for uni that I am a little in love with) then headed home. Dragged Damon with me, watched far too much Billy Connolly till my insides ACHED from laughing so hard. Then discovered a torrent downloader that works on linux and spent the rest of the evening (well, night considering I dropped Damon off at 11) downloading the most recent albums of all the bands playing at live at monarto. I have my tickets to that, Birds of Tokyo and Stephen K Amos sitting next to me. It ish good

Got the stupid uni thing tomorrow, but eh. I’ll wade my way through it and get paid for the privellege. Reeeeeeally can’t complain. Not sure what I’m gonna do tomorrow night – really didn’t think that through. I’ll find something ummm what else? Wednesday seein Lewis then checking out the Garden of Unearthly Delights with Damon.

I am really really not looking forward to being back at uni… but I’ll live.

I really really want to buy a new ipod. Le sigh.

Not the greatest way to start

What were the odds that the first update I had to make in keeping with my regular updates would leave me with nothing positive to say? XD nothing serious. Just been a crappy couple of days…
I’m currently really mad. Like quite seriously mad. And not like in a petty way, but in an incredibly frustrated sick of watching people I care about hurt themselves kind of thing. Blaaaaaaaargh. And in a more petty way, mum is yelling at me in the background which is giving me a headache XD
Work is rapidly making me lose my faith in humanity. I feel I must get a new job before I become a people-hater. By that I mean racist against ALL races lmao.

Bleh don’t know what else to say.
Tomorrow should be better. Getting live at monarto tickets here’s hoping.

Going to start regular updates… or going to try

That’s right! You read the title correctly. I am actually going to make a solid attempt at getting off my butt and trying to keep this updated. Why you may ask? Well I don’t really have a decent answer to that. More than anything just because I feel like it, and because for ONCE I don’t feel whiney so perhaps this might actually be the kind of blog I always intended it to be.

Namely one that doesn’t sound like it was written by a 14 year old emo Steph

Wow. I just realised I’m wearing a towel. How did I not notice that?

Aaaanyway…
So. Steph’s world. What can I tell you?
Things are finally looking up. I finally feel like a normal human being with normal emotions and normal reactions.
Although still not zombified. Still totally capable of flying off the handles and being ridiculously intense it’s lovely. I’m so pleased. I shall treasure it while it lasts.
I finally broke out of my rut a bit too. I’ve been going out and doing things, meeting new people and volunteering and just generally being alive. Flashdance on Wednesday was absolutely awesome. Probably my second best ever night out. Maybe even my best, it was just so fun. I spent about half of it loving the company of some of my awesome friends, and the other half with some random guy who never bothered to ask my name but treated me like a princess anyway (hard to believe huh?). And shite could he dance O_O all who know me know that I hate to dance. I didn’t really get much of a choice! He tried to teach me and just generally ignored it when I screwed up, but omg it was SO MUCH FUN. I never thought I’d have fun doing something like that – but I guess knowing I’d never see him again made it a bit easier to not be self conscious about how I looked or how sweaty I was plus he didn’t care. He wasn’t in it for the hookup, he just wanted someone to dance with and have some fun. It was great – I wish I’d thanked him at the end of the night.
Other than that I spent Tuesday at a training day for uni, which was actually… great! The training itself was all the sort of crap I covered during peer mediation in high school (huh I forgot I’d been considered a part of that. Forgot to include it on my list of stuff to give to Campbell at the end of Year 12 – d’oh!) but I got a chance to get to know a couple of the girls from uni a lot better, which was great. I’ve been making more of an effort and it’s just so nice to feel like I’ve finally got some friends at uni XD (as in within my course )
What else…? Hmmm… met Ross, who was hilarious. Had Lewis over on Monday, which scored me a judgmental glare from my mother. Went to gym and worked so hard I threw up, then went to gym again and worked so hard with Heather that my arms hurt too much to really hold the steering wheel whilst driving home woo! I’m sure I did much more than this but it’s 1am and my brain refuses to function. The point is that I actually have something to write other than “felt like crap, stayed in my room all week” which is my usual byline.

I’ve planned some stuff to keep the year interesting. Going to birds of Tokyo with Amy and Mez, going to Live At Monarto (but staying in murray bridge) with Amy also starting volunteering with the animal welfare league around april (so excited!). The house will be built around June, so very much looking forward to that. PARENTS ARE GOING AWAY FOR FIVE WEEKS! Scoooore! I even organised for Adam to house sit my Uncle’s place (he’s going with them, and it was easier for me to stay at OUR house because work is about five minutes away) so I DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH HIM EITHER! House to myself. Pure bliss. Someone better come over and cook for me lest I accidentally burn down the house I also want to see if I can visit Pete again sometime in the holidays – though probably for a much shorter time as my bank balance ached last time Saving for Canada too, which SHOULD be happening in February ‘11. Here’s hoping! Also doing some stuff with uni – more leadership stuff (well, “mentoring”, but they’ve decided they don’t like that word) which should be really cool. Giving a couple of speeches next week, though have no idea what I’m going to say XD “well I hated uni till about a week ago… so uh… yeah… enjoy!” – I also found out about On Dit, the uni newspaper. And found out how to write for it… I am totally going to try to do that as often as I can. I don’t care if they don’t publish me, I just need the practice. And I think it’d be so damn cool to see my name in print (even if anyone could )
Really only thing that could make life better right now would be for Andrew to reappear from his disappearance oh lord I’m pathetic. -facepalm-
I think you should all be thoroughly amazed with me right now A couple of months ago I wouldn’t have bothered to organise a damn thing. I wouldn’t have even thought I’d be around for it.

So that’s about it for now really I had the shift from hell at work today, and have another fun-filled shift to look forward to tomorrow. At least on Sunday I should be seeing Tom, so the weekend won’t be a total bust. And Lewis said he’d come around tomorrow if he could find the time, so who knows. Might actually be a good weekend.
Either way, with all that in mind, I need to sleep.

Goodnight and stay tuned. I WILL actually update this!

An attempt at a wrap-up of the year just passed and things to come

I have written and rewritten and written this again, but I can’t actually seem to make any progress.

Pretty sure I’m up to my eighth attempt.

Instead I’ll say this:

So far? 2009? Actually possibly worse than 08.

Yeah.

Amazing I know.

For Monica’s benefit, so she knows I’m alive

Man I am terrible at life. It’s 1:54am and I haven’t even started studying for my psychology exam which is in just under 12 hours. Jeez.

I don’t really know what to write at the moment. What have I been doing? Working, moving house, sitting on hardwood floors in empty rooms with no one to talk to but a dust bunny or two… basically anything BUT studying for exams like I should be doing.

I was looking at the postsecret blog on myspace today and they were doing this thing where you post your phone number and people can send their secrets to you. I picked out a few people that had given the international codes for their mobiles (I can’t just type in an American number and expect it to work) and shot off a few of my own secrets – a couple the funny kind and a couple more serious ones. I didn’t expect a reply really, but the odd thing is that the one that was probably most dear and most scary to me got an instant reply. And it was a really sweet one too. Nothing overly serious or daunting, just honest good wishes and good vibes from some person who has never met me and whose life would not be even a TINY bit effected if I didn’t exist.
And yet still they took the time to say something nice.
I hate people just a little bit less right now.

Argh. Things are so damn strange lately. I’ve been in and out of doctors offices and god knows what else till they hand me this box of pills and tell me it might make it all better, but who really knows eh? Down a few and see what happens? And people seem weird to me. Maybe that’s all in my head but I feel like all the boundaries are shifting and changing and I’m sitting there going “Wait… what? Who the hell said you could change all the rules?!”
Don’t get me wrong. Some of them are good changes.
But most of them are just giving me food for thought when I already had too damn much to think about anyway.
-sigh- one is bugging me a lot right now. For no reason other than while I was writing that she popped into my head. She’s a cool person, I like her and I think she’d be a good friend, yet I cannot seem to open my mouth around her without making a complete idiot of myself. She has NEVER given me a reason to think that she dislikes me, but somehow I shrink under her gaze and feel like running for the hills whenever she’s around cos she scares the CRAP outta me. I get this weird feeling that everytime I say anything she’s internally rolling her eyes and going “What a fucking idiot”.
And yet she has NEVER EVER DONE ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THINK THAT!
Argh I’m so damn stupid.

Speaking of so damn stupid, males are complex and frustrating and I’d sooner bash my head against a wall than bother trying to sort this mess out anymore. I mean honestly you had a YEAR to get your shit together, you didn’t. Not my fault I’m too messed up now. Arrrrgh. Grr.

I’m broke. Pitifully so. I’m going to Melbourne from the 4th-9th of December and I’m going to have NO damned money. Plus I just got a bill from blockbuster informing me I owe them $50 for that dvd I never returned. Ouch. I don’t think I can afford to go to Brisbane next year like I planned, and that makes me a sad panda. On the plus side, it’s starting to look like Pete WILL be in Melbourne when I go, which makes the trip look a lot cooler and a lot more fun haha.

What else can I tell you? Pft. Nothing. I’m not interesting enough to have anything else to say. Time to cram for that exam…

I wouldn’t call it an update really

I planned to write an update. To say something about what I’ve been doing with my time and let all those that check this (I daresay there wouldn’t be many – I can’t imagine why there would be considering I never update) know that I’m still alive and was not, in fact, killed by my recent psychology assignment or caught in the crossfire when my work got robbed (I wasn’t present might I add).
But instead it turned into this angry, honest, open word vomit of nothing but angst and anger and cynicism and sadness.
And another word that I don’t choose to say. Another word that makes me feel menacing and defensive at the mere thought of it.
But the thing is that I realised that I’m not ready to be THAT honest. I’m not ready to lay my life out bare for you all to see the cracks and flaws more openly than they are already visible (and if you’re seeing what I’m seeing, they’re plenty visible and plenty repulsive).

Not yet.

So once again I find myself with absolutely nothing to say.

And unless you’re one particular person, I assure you this is not a comfortable silence.

2am again

A brief thought before bed.

At what point do you draw the line between fact and fiction? And what point does it stop being you just drawing from personal experience and instead actually reciting personal experience?

It’s fiction… isn’t it?

A long awaited and very rushed update

I was reading over a page in my “Wreck this Journal” (pictures and progress to be coming once I get home from work) which happened to be a page for angry thoughts… and I just laughed at myself. Which was refreshing and relieving. It’s nice to know that I can still occasionally look back at myself and look at something which is a very serious issue to me, and just piss myself laughing at my emo and self-centred manner of expressing it. Had Amy been reading it, she would have flicked me on the ear REPEATEDLY (she knows what I mean )

So I’m sitting here thinking, okay things suck a bit. I’m in a rut, I’m losing friends and I’m none too happy with the fact that I’ve barely had any time to do anything other than uni and work. And then I smack myself in the face and go “Okay! Snap out of it!”
It’s time to whack on a pair of heels and that one dress you don’t hate yourself in and hit the freaking town and FORCE yourself to enjoy it. Fortunately I have just such an opportunity this weekend… twice!
I can sit here and I can bitch and moan that I don’t like who you’ve become, or who I’ve become, or I can just do what I should have done a long time ago and SUCK IT UP, get dressed up and MAKE myself feel good about me.
Cos I’m tired of waking up with the first thought in my head being “get out of bed you fat lazy sack of crap”.
We’re all over the low self esteem bit. Me most of all.

And so I end this update for now, given that I have to rush off to (surprise surprise) work. When I get home, if I remember, I’ll whack some pics up.

Peaceout!
xox